Mom Won't let me stay at home whilst every one goes on holiday, that would be fair enough if I knew how it would be. it will be 'bitch, FedEx, cow, fatty, moo, dog, wannabe Goth, haha, where are all your greebo friends, Jamie..., How is life at the orphanage, aright glass climber, TEST TUBE BABY!!!' I don’t think I can deal with it any more, it is starting to send me mental, it hurts so much, and it gets to me even worse, it wouldn't be so bad, but i have had it forever, all it is, it's because i was once so close to my dad and now i don't speak to him since he messed up so bad,

i don't think i could ever forgive him for not giving my brothers a birthday present, me only a 'happy birthday daughter-in-law' birthday card and he never even gave us a Christmas card...he isn’t worth it, he cares about the children which aren’t his, and i don’t think i can admit i was jealous at first they got to be with him all the time, but now i know, it was HIS choice to only see us once a week and it became his doom when he said he would only come if i phones him up, what the hell is wrong with him, I really thought he loved me.... i really did.

Today i went shopping with my mom for the weekly food shop.. Before we went jack was having a bit of a tantrum because he couldn’t go to the park, even though it was tipping down, and my mom had to do shopping, he is the most spoilt little brat i know, So i went shopping and he was in a bad mood all the way round calling me fatty all the while, then i went to the bank whilst my mom was finishing the shopping so i could get little Nicky and snow patrol, then when i got back jack decided to call me FedEx, like they call the little kid in cheaper by the dozen, basically meaning i wasn’t from this family, fedex dropped me off, now i know he is only 7 and has only picked it up off everyone else, and probably doesn’t really MEAN it, but it hurts so much, I have the lowest opinion of myself as it is, i know i am kind of ugly and i know i am fat and i know every one hates mw, but there is no need for it all the time, it gets me so down...

This is the time i really start hating life, everything gets me so down.. All my friends only talk to me when they need something, and Michael, well, i have no idea about him, Chris sys he likes me but I’m not so sure.... i wish he did, cause i like him.

Chris gets me so down, he only seems to want me round when he is having a bad day so he can cuddle me, or in his language that means try and feel me... it makes me feel Un comfortable, but if i tell him no, i know wit would really offend him, so i usually get into positions sitting down when he sits next to me so that he cant, but the other day... he also wants me to stay round his, AND he has started calling me fidget!!

WHY O WHY O WHYY ME????

I know along time ago i used to cut myself and i realise now what a stupid thing it was to do, and as i never told anyone, and no one ever knew, i could easily start doing it again, it used to take so much anger out of me, i wish i had something i could do, Cause i really got so tempted yesterday, i wish someone cared, i wish i had a friend who really cared, i wish i had someone to love, i wish i had more of a life. I’m sure if i was spending more time out like with friends or in a job i wouldn’t think about death so much, i mean when ever i cant get to sleep, why do i always seem to WORRY about how people will find out what music i want played there and stuff.

I will never get married and i will always be alone, i will always have no one, and i will always have to depend on music to get me through..

Lately i have been feeling tired all the time, i really need a break, i cant take it anymore, i really cant..

Here lies the wounded soul of Amy Marson R.I.P